M T McGuire
The published works of M T McGuire
More Light Fluff from McMini
Here are a few more class quotes from McMini.
1 Week ago:
McMini enters the kitchen, crawling on all fours so he can wheel Action Man Motorbike — on said motorbike — up to my feet, where I’m standing at the counter chopping up things and announces.
“Action man is desperate for a pooh.“
“Ah. Right,” I say. “He’d better go have one then don’t you think?“
“Yes.” says McMini and Action Man is turned round and wheeled away.
A few minutes later the loo is flushed and he returns.
“Action Man has had a wee and a pooh because he has a special hole in the back of his trousers where the wee and pooh can come out.“
“Well, that’s good to know.” I say.
A few hours later, McMini comes in looking pensive. He thinks a bit and says.
“Dinosaurs don’t do any wee or pooh.“
“Well actually small fellow, I think they did.“
“No they don’t,” note present tense, “I have looked at all my plastic dinosaurs and not one of them has a pooh or wee hole.“
“That’s just because they’re made by prudish toy manufacturers who want to torture parents by not giving toys any naughty bits so that children ask their parents difficult questions.”
Two Weeks Ago:
McMini trundles into the kitchen with his plastic pretend mobile.
“I am on the phone. I am talking to somebody at my work so you must be very quiet.“
“Who?” I ask.
“Shush Mummy You must not make any noise.
A pause and he says.
“Hello? Hello?” another pause. McMini rolls eyes and snaps phone closed. “He cannot hear me.”
“Mummy, I am going to do a pooh.“
“Will you look after me.“
“This will be a stinky one. It will smell out the house. It will smell so badly that it will kill you and you will die.”
A couple of days later.
“Mummy, I am going to do a pooh. Will you look after me.“
“Good. I am going to stink you out, it will smell the whole house.“
“Oh dear, I’m not going to die am I?“
“No no Mummy. It is not a kill pooh, just a very smelly one.”
He also has the most lovely way of getting things wrong. So for example, his Star Wars favourites are RD8 and the Lemington Falcon.
Then there’s the very clever grammatical stuff; wrong but very clever.
He says “ear wack”. But as a friend pointed out to me the other day — because her daughter does it — he’s actually being very clever. He doesn’t know spelling so he doesn’t know the difference between the x and the s. So he thinks Ear Wax is a plural.
He also says ‘somebolly’ as in ‘somebolly is sitting here Mummy.’
Posted May 21, 2012 and visited 2523 times, 6 so far today